No, I'm not talking about a girl. I'm talking about my beloved club, Liverpool. 5 defeats in early November, the Premier League is over for us. Losing to Fulham away is one thing, but doing so just after beating Man United? No way! No way is that possible! After the biggest result you can probably hope for, you stuff up again!?!?!?!? There is no hope for Benitez now. This frankly, is shocking and unacceptable. I was so confident before the United game that we would win when everyone was pessimistic. Then when we're supposed to go on a winning run, we lose another 2 games. The Arsenal loss was acceptable but not the Fulham one. 6 losses in 7 games. This is not a team capable of winning the EPL. Or winning anything for that matter. This frankly, is an embarrassment to the club and the worst form since Benitez's first season in 2004/2005. Well, that was the season we won the Champions League. Maybe Benitez's team needs to be so down before they can inspire themselves to great victories. I don't know. But currently, this shocking form makes Xabi Alonso look like the most integral part of the Red Machine. Like the saying goes, you don't realize how precious something is until you lose it. I was lauded for my incredible optimism before the United game because I knew from history that when Liverpool's backs are against the wall and everyone expects them to lose, they will conjure up a win against the odds. But never have I seen a Benitez Liverpool throw it all away and shoot themselves in the foot DIRECTLY AFTER such a great win. Inconceivable! This is an all new low. This is all new levels of crappiness.
I am going to change sports for awhile. I'm not joking.
I live with an Indian Australian called Abhi. He's an awesome bloke. Lets me drive his car around. Like all Indians, he loves his cricket. That was the one sport that my Ah Kong (grandpa) played which I never understood. I never understood how the game worked. A church friend, Kien tried explaining it to me but I couldn't understand it.
MS Dhoni: Indian captain
Abhi explained it to me in less than an hour. We were watching Australia's Tour of India. ODI (One Day International). Works like playoffs in basketball. Best out of 7 games. Now I'm hooked and becoming an honorary Indian, supporting India. Australia is the world's best team but India are pretty good also. Well since my friend supports India, so will I. Plus, Ricky Ponting is apparently arrogant and a whiner. Abhi says cricket is a gentleman's sport and Ricky behaves in an ungentlemanly manner a la Serena Williams in the US Open. Then he waxes lyrical about Sachin Tendulkar and I am converted. Australia won the first game. India won the next two. I watched the two Indian wins. Tonight is game 4. This is a great form of escapism. Escape to another sport when the pain is too great.
Besides that, Robbie Fowler just scored a brace for North Queensland Fury who beat Gold Coast United in the Queensland derby to take the Fury off the bottom of the ladder.
Maybe I'll follow A-League as well. Melbourne Victory, the perennial champs and North Queensland Fury, the new boys and underdogs of the year. C'mon Robbie!!!
He was one of the stars of Boyzone who were huge in the 90s when I was in primary school. You know Ronan Keating? Yeah he's from the same band. He was only 33. Some people are affected by celebrity deaths. Some aren't. For me, it just got me thinking. You can die at anytime. Yeah. You can die tomorrow. Then I remembered this passage from the Bible.
Luke 12
The Parable of the Rich Fool
13Someone in the crowd said to him, "Teacher, tell my brother to divide the inheritance with me."
14Jesus replied, "Man, who appointed me a judge or an arbiter between you?"15Then he said to them, "Watch out! Be on your guard against all kinds of greed; a man's life does not consist in the abundance of his possessions."
16And he told them this parable: "The ground of a certain rich man produced a good crop. 17He thought to himself, 'What shall I do? I have no place to store my crops.'
18"Then he said, 'This is what I'll do. I will tear down my barns and build bigger ones, and there I will store all my grain and my goods. 19And I'll say to myself, "You have plenty of good things laid up for many years. Take life easy; eat, drink and be merry."'
20"But God said to him, 'You fool! This very night your life will be demanded from you. Then who will get what you have prepared for yourself?'
21"This is how it will be with anyone who stores up things for himself but is not rich toward God."
So I hope you would take some to seriously consider that. Are you rich toward God? Are you cool with God? Is he cool with you? What if you die tomorrow?
Ultimately, there is no real point chasing riches or celebrity. All mortals stand equal before the Almighty God. The fact that you even live is a gift from Him. You could be the richest, most famous person for a day. And what would that mean if God were to strike you dead tomorrow?
I did this "Note" on facebook. I thought it was cool and I haven't blogged here in centuries so I decided to chuck it here. U2 are most probably coming to Australia next year!!! Will I finally be able to accomplish one of my life ambitions!!!!?!?!??!?!?
Using only song names from ONE ARTIST, cleverly answer these questions. Pass it on to 15 people you like and include me. You can't use the band I used. Try not to repeat a song title. It's a lot harder than you think! Repost as "my life according to (band name)"
Its only hard when the band you use have few songs (Stephen's note)
Are you a male or female: A Man and A Woman
Describe yourself: I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For
How do you feel: Magnificent
Describe where you currently live: Stranger in a Strange Land
If you could go anywhere, where would you go: Where The Streets Have No Name
Favorite method of transportation?: Fast Cars
You want: Peace On Earth
Your best friend is: Yahweh
You and your best friends are: Tryin' To Throw Your Arms Around The World
What's the weather like: Beautiful Day
Favorite time of day: A Day Without Me
If your life was a TV show, what would it be called: Until The End Of The World
What is life to you: Sweetest Thing
Your fear: Pride
What is the best advice you have to give: Sometimes You Can't Make It On Your Own
That is the question on many football fans minds right now. Probably even Man Utd fans minds. The fact that 5 out of 6 candidates are Utd fans is mildly surprising but you can see their logic. Ronaldo obviously. And the defensive trio for their record breaking antics. The fact that Gerrard is in shows that he has more consistency than the top players from rival clubs (Terry, Lampard, Cech, Drogs, Fabregas, Adebayor).
But how has Giggsy won it? Granted, he's had his best season for a decade but he's not even a regular starter. His impact has only been on half the games. Many times he just comes off the bench. He doesn't have the Solskjaer effect. Only 1 goal to his name. I was watching the Portsmouth game where Giggsy started. He missed 3 glorious chances to score and if he continues this way he won't break the 100 goal barrier for Utd. I'm not sure about his stats but how many chances has he actually created? I think Scholes makes more through balls than him. I bet Rooney puts in more dangerous crosses than Giggs (example... against Spurs!!! wth!).
Utd fans probably wanted Vidic or Rio and definitely Rooney to win it. But they don't mind as long as the award stays in the family. Its just fans from other clubs who are left perplexed with the selection.
I have never seen the PFA give out sympathy awards to players in the twilight of their careers before. It just reminds me of a more prestigious awards show where they hand out gold gramaphones.
Check out this article:
Premier League - Team of the season: No Giggs
Eurosport - Mon, 27 Apr 21:08:00 2009
Unlike the PFA, Eurosport-Yahoo! has no place for sentimental, sympathy votes in its pick of this season's top performers.
HOW IT WORKS
We tot up the marks out of 10 awarded in five national newspapers - The Sun, The Mirror, The Mail, The Times and The Guardian - to create a total out of 50. The top player in each position will be rewarded with a spot in the team of the season, while the worst scorers will be named and shamed in our Flops XI.
This is only the Team of the Season so far - we do not announce our official selection until after the final round of matches.
TEAM OF THE SEASON (minimum 17 starts)
It may surprise you (or not) to find out that PFA Player of the Year Ryan Giggs has not started enough games for Manchester United to qualify for our own equally prestigious gong. Even if there were no minimum games requirement, his average rating of 34.33 would not be enough to earn him a place either on the left side or the centre of midfield.
However the Welshman is in good company - eight of the PFA Team of the Season fail to make the grade based on our far more analytical system.
Only Glen Johnson, Steven Gerrard and Fernando Torres appear in both teams, and none of the six Manchester United players in the PFA Team are in ours. The only United player to feature in our team, Wayne Rooney, was overlooked by the players in favour of Chelsea's Nicolas Anelka.
Torres's inclusion comes only by the skin of his teeth, as he has made the minimum 50 per cent of starts required - 17 out of 34. However, the striker's form has taken him to the top of our scoring charts, making him the front runner for Player of the Season.
Elsewhere, our team is a triumph of democracy, featuring players from eight teams. As our system relies on marks from the national press, is it a sign of thigs to come from the Football Writers' Awards? Only time will tell.
I'm aware that we're well into 2009 now, but here's my report of my favourite music in 2008. 2008 was a year that I didn't buy much music. I was intent on curbing my free spending ways of 2007 (JB Hi-Fi - A music fan's best friend). I'm quite sure I bought less than 10 CDs as I endeavoured to only buy music I really liked. Only 6 as far as memory serves me. Here's my Top 5 then. Snow Patrol's "A Hundred Million Suns" didn't make the cut. Distinctly underwhelming so far.
5. Kings Of Leon - Only By The Night I must admit, I wasn't a fan of the band before this. I had sampled them since they exploded on the indie scene with Aha Shake Heartbreak, but I couldn't get into the music. The style and Nathan Followill's strange vocals made it hard to appreciate. But Kings Of Leon finally broke through the mainstream barrier with Only By The Night, a much more radio friendly album, with smash hit "Sex On Fire". I admit, I was hooked by the song the first time I heard it. I have heard people say that Kings Of Leon are impossible to classify as a band as their style changes with every album but on this album the sound more mainstream rock.
Key Tracks: Sex On Fire - Duh Revelry - Also released as a single. Catchy. Manhattan - Relatively underrated song I think.
4. The Killers - Day & Age I was really into the Killers when Hot Fuss came out in 2004. Everyone knows Mr Brightside and All These Things You've Done but I really liked Somebody Told Me and Jenny Was A Friend Of Mine. Somehow I didn't get into Sam's Town and didn't buy the album. I liked When We Were Young but wasn't impressed by Bones and other songs. Maybe I didn't give it enough of a listen. But when reviews of Day & Age said their style was more like Hot Fuss again, I took notice. I first heard Human in my housemate Kelv's room, and since then I proceeded to listen to the rest of the songs and buy the album. The first half of the album is much stronger than the second half though.
Key Tracks: Losing Touch - Fill my crown with rumours of impending doom (Track 1) Human - Are we human, or are we dancer? (Track 2) Spaceman - Spaceman said everybody look down! (Track 3)
3. Death Cab For Cutie - Narrow Stairs Definitely not as good as Transatlanticism (best Death Cab album of all time) or even Plans but its still a good offering to keep fans like me happy. However, I think they don't break significant ground or push the band to greater heights with this album. Something like the new U2 album (No Line On The Horizon). Good enough to please fans but not good enough to break new ground. I did see them in concert last month and they were awesome!!! Thankfully, they like many bands seem to like Australia and keep coming back year after year.
Key Tracks: 1. Bixby Canyon Bridge - Great track to start off the album with 2. I Will Possess Your Heart - Awesome 8 minute track with a 4 minute build up before the lyrics come in. Obviously, the radio edit version cuts this out. 3. Grapevine Fires - Timely and apt song to perform at the concert with Victoria burning. Gibbard called it a 'song of hope' and the crowd assented.
2. Bloc Party - Intimacy Strangely enough, for the top two albums of 2008, I didn't like the first track from the album at all. With Intimacy, it was Mercury, which I found really odd and experimental. Which is how critics labelled the whole album. So amazingly, before going to the Bloc Party concert in November 2008, I hadn't heard any of the album except for Mercury and Flux (which wasn't even part of the album. It was some EP released earlier). Thankfully my man David the Chang had heard a bit more than me. I liked Flux but not Mercury. I was there for all the Silent Alarm songs anyways. Amazingly the set list that day was packed with Silent Alarm songs, to my delight! But being at the concert exposed me to the other Intimacy songs which didn't sound as weird as Mercury at all! I went back, downloaded the rest of the songs, and later bought the album back in Singapore! TALONS is my favourite song of the album and if Viva La Vida wasn't so good, it would be my song of the year. Strangely enough, Talons was released AFTER the whole album was already released. Some kinda gimmick. If I was a fan and had bought the album on release date, I would've been pissed as.
Key Tracks: Talons - Best song!!! 'And when it comes, it will feel like a kiss' One Month Off - Loved it when I heard it at the concert. I went home and hunted it down immediately. Your Visits Are Getting Shorter - Ares and Ion Square are also very good tracks and are fan favourites but incredibly I liked Your Visits Are Getting Shorter which is some techno-electronica-ish type of song which is very unlike me.
1. Coldplay - Viva La Vida Without a doubt the album of the year!!! Which they should have won at the Grammys as well. But rather predictably, they lost it to some oldies... Robert "A Whole Lotta Love" Plant singing COUNTRY with some random chick, Alison Krauss! What's new. The most random people win the big one. Anyways, I downloaded Violet Hill when it came out for free online but I couldn't get into it. But being a massive Coldplay fan I bought Viva La Vida the day it came out (first album I bought all year actually. And it was already the second half of the year. Amazing). Amazingly, I loved it! I didn't have high expectations thanks to Violet Hill, but the new Coldplay were awesome! This is what breaking new ground looks like! This is what the biggest band in the world looks like!!!!! Favourite song as I've mentioned a gazillion times is Lost. I went for the concert in Sydney and it was hands down the best concert I've ever been to. Period. The first time I actually knew ALL the songs in the concert and could sing along to all of them. Only going for U2 could possibly top this. Prospekt's March, the EP released after Viva La VIda is good as well. Problem was I couldn't buy it alone! I had to re-buy Viva La Vida to get my hands on Prospekt's March. Oh well, the price of being a true fan.
Key Tracks: Lost! - There's the Lost piano version which is awesome as well as the Lost+ with Jay-Z which actually works! Life In Technicolor - Even British bands spell 'color' the American way. The most incredible instrumental track ever. They added words and made it Life In Technicolor II. You have to YouTube the video for that. Cutest thing ever. There are kids in it. Lovers In Japan - I don't think I've liked a song this much without knowing the lyrics well. Really odd.
Well, here's hoping 2009 will be a greater year for music! 2008 was looking really bad till Coldplay saved the day!
Thanks to Chang, I've found a new indie love. Swedish singer-songwriter who resides in Melbourne!!! Wat da heck! I just missed his Melbourne show though. Who in the world is JENS LEKMAN!!! Sounds a lot like Germany's No 1 keeper but looks and sounds nothing like him. I already paid full price to buy one of his albums but this one is the best. I absolutely love virtually the whole album. No weak tracks in here at all. I can't recall the last time I heard a new album and loved song after song after song. Especially of a random artist that I've never heard before. 2009 has to produce some awesome stuff to top this. Some of the catchiest songs you will ever hear. Each song is an eccentric but interesting story. Is it just me or do all these European singers sing really well. Reminds me a lot of Kings Of Convenience.
Key Tracks: 1. The Opposite Of Hallelujah 2. A Postcard To Nina 3. I'm Leaving You Because I Don't Love You 4. Your Arms Around Me 5. Into Eternity
When I was a young boy, I had a reverent fear of God. My church had a policy that only baptized believers could partake in the Lord's Supper/Holy Communion. Sure, I had put my faith in Jesus but I wasn't baptized. Once I was in some other church and they offered me the bread and the cup. I was a kid and didn't know how to refuse so I took it. After that, such a feeling of dread came over me for I thought that I had offended God. I ran out of the church and sat in a corner, close to tears. Some auntie followed me out and asked me what was the matter. I told her and she didn't ridicule me but comforted me and assured me that God would forgive me.
That may sound ridiculous to you and you may be laughing right now, but with the "Jesus loves you"* culture of today, there is a distinct lack of fear and reverence of God. As a kid, I also heard stories of people falling away from the faith when they became adults and found "more important things to do than church". That also put the fear of God in me as I earnestly prayed that I would not ever under any circumstance fall away from my Lord and saviour, Jesus Christ.
Now that I'm more adult than boy (there are kid-like aspects of myself that I cannot get rid of, my friends will attest to that) I am still going strong in my faith, still hopeful, still optimistic. I have managed to avoid thus far, the twin dangers of burnout and cynicism that afflict many Christians in ministry. I pray I will never be cynical, disillusioned or"too tired" to serve my Lord. However, all around me I see numerous examples of Christians falling away. People becoming agnostic, people turning their backs on the church… Heck, I even personally know a great pastor who pastured me as a youth who is currently agnostic. What does this mean? Is Christianity flawed? Isn't it the "real deal"? Admittedly, the church as an institution is massively flawed and has let people down countless times. But what is the "church"? If the organization is flawed, and all we do is complain instead of working on a solution, we're merely adding on to the problem. I learnt from a great man that there is no perfect church. The church will always be flawed. We have to do our part being part of the solution rather than the problem.
Now I know a few people who are going through the "doubting and questioning" stage. Why the heck am I a Christian? Why do I believe what I believe? I don't blame them. Maybe they do need to go through that questioning stage to cement their faith. Some guy interviewed by Lee Strobel in Case for Faith says that doubt is necessary to bring about genuine faith. But doubt should lead to genuine soul-searching, genuine investigation. If someone asks me why do I believe what I believe…
I will answer in a nutshell, because its TRUTH. We are so influenced by the consumer culture of our day that our reason to believe in something has become… what BENEFITS can this provide me? How can this make my life more comfortable? At the end of the day, those convinced that Christianity is true cannot escape it no matter how they try to run.
I'm starting to wonder, will Christians still remain Christians only as long as it's convenient to do so? Why do people fall away? Is it because they've found something more worthy of their time? Is it because they have fallen into a form of recreation, which is classified as SIN by the Bible? Does Christianity clash with your sexual habits? Your lifestyle choices?
Why do people fall away? I'm sure there are a gazillion reasons but right now I can think of two.
The first. There is no depth in the person's relationship with God, or there was none to begin with. Do you pray and KNOW in your heart of hearts that God hears and he cares? Or do you only pray when exam time comes along? Do you open your Bible on a consistent basis and LISTEN for God to speak to you, or do you open it when your pastor asks you to during the Sunday sermon?
Or maybe people fail to comprehend the enormity of what God has done for them. I remember a close friend of mine asking during the person's questioning stage, "So what if Jesus died for me? What's the big deal?" It is a big deal. I challenge everyone who is doubting right now, answer that question for yourself. Ask yourself that question until you find the answer. Because once you do, you will start to understand this truth. Jesus is your TREASURE. He is more important than anything else you have or want. If you understand that, your only possible response will be one of gratitude to his incomprehensible sacrifice.
Or maybe people fail to take their faith seriously. Its just something I do. A blank to fill when you're filling in personal details. Name: John. Sex: Male Age: 20 Occupation: Brick layer. Religious Views: Christian. Do you have a compartmentalized Christianity? Is it just a part of you that appears once a week for a couple of hours or does it permeate your being and affect your actions and choices from day to day? Is the Bible just an outdated storybook? Or is there truth in there that is relevant to your life right now?
The second. The failure to serve. The first time I did any church "ministry", I was 16. I didn't serve before that because I thought I was incapable of doing so. I thought only musicians and people who went to Bible college could serve. But there was a need to serve within me. I knew I wasn't fulfilling my Christian duty if I did not serve. So I became an usher for youth service. No skill required, just availability. From there, people saw that I took what I did seriously and gave me more responsibility. I guess people could serve without understanding the heart of serving. What service ultimately does is help crucify our selfish nature. Face it, we're all selfish. All of us. We always look out for number one. Service helps us focus on others rather than ourselves. It helps us become less selfish and more selfless. Serving is not a role you play at church. It's an approach to life. We help our friends out all the time. That's serving. We just need to move up a notch and serve people we don't particularly like.
Matthew 13:1-23. The parable of the sower. Verse 19. When anyone hears the message about the kingdom and does not understand it, the evil one comes and snatches away what was sown in his heart. This is the seed sown along the path. 20. The one who received the seed that fell on rocky places is the man who hears the word and at once receives it with joy. 21 But since he has no root, he lasts only a short time. When trouble or persecution comes because of the word, he quickly falls away. 22 The one who received the seed that fell among the thorns is the man who hears the word but the worries of this life and the deceitfulness of wealth choke it, making it unfruitful. 23 But the one who received the seed that fell on good soil is the man who hears the word and understands it. He produces a crop, yielding a hundred, sixty or thirty times what was sown.
I pray that you, my friends who read this, are good soil. Amen.
* Please do not misinterpret my statement. Jesus does love you. A whole lot.
Looks like Sylar's superpowers What the heck is Simone Perrotta doing on include being good enough to start HEROES? Can he even speak English? for AS Roma football club
All is quiet on New Year's Day A world in white gets underway I want to be with you Be with you night and day Nothing changes on New Year's Day On New Year's Day
(New Year's Day - U2)
I enjoy a quiet New Year's Day. I'm no fan of the hype and fireworks etc. Getting stuck in a 2 hour jam is way too costly a price to pay for watching fireworks. So I do the traditional Christian thing. Go for watchnight service at my hometown church (First Baptist Church). Its always the same thing. People go up and give testimonies of how God has been involved in their lives in the last year. A mad rush to run up on stage in the final moments. Some songs to worship God and a countdown.
But really, nothing changes on New Year's Day. Its throughout the year that changes are made. I guess people make resolutions on New Year's Day. I kinda made mine a couple of months early.
When I think back on past resolutions, all I remember are a bunch of failures and overambitious resolutions that I can't keep. I want to keep them this time.
Resolution 1. To keep a consistently tidy room for the first time in my LIFE. A room that won't instantly trigger comments like "a whirlwind just went through here", "so, where do you sleep?" " how can you find anything in this room", etc.
Resolution 2 STOP STEALING MUSIC I should have done this a long time ago. Inspired by the example of my friend Peter Yu, I will stop stealing music. I always justified my actions by saying I was "sampling" music and I would buy the albums that I liked. Which was true. Unlike many others I buy albums even after I've heard the songs and gotten bored of them. I want to respect the artists and their work. Its just that I come from Malaysia, a society that has no respect whatsoever for musicians, actors, producers and people in the entertainment industry. You can't say that people HAVE to buy pirated CDs cause the originals are too expensive. 30 bucks for a music CD is fine. I've been buying them since I was 13. Just take a look into the houses of many a rich successful Malaysian businessman. Odds are, you would find pirated CDs there. I am convicted of the same crime. I download. Its no good justifying myself by buying the CDs later on. Stealing is stealing. I am a thief. I'm gonna be using iTunes from now on.
Resolution 3 Exercise! I always make this resolution and fail abysmally. My only form of exercise comes from my love of football but in truth I'm not a good player at all. My fitness levels are shocking. So in a year where I may not be able to play much football cause I'm out of uni, I've gotta discipline myself.
Well, I've a few more resolutions but I'm not gonna write all of em and look like an idiot later for failing to keep them. At least I'm gonna try and keep these 3 now or I'll get stick for it.
2008. A year where I was struggling to find a song that really stood out. And then came... LOST!
Just because I'm losing
Doesn't mean I'm lost
Doesn't mean I'll stop
Doesn't mean I will cross
Just because I'm hurting
Doesn't mean I'm hurt
Doesn't mean I didn't get what I deserve
No better and no worse
I just got lost
Every river that I've tried to cross
And every door I ever tried was locked
Ooh-Oh, And I'm just waiting till the shine wears off...
You might be a big fish
In a little pond
Doesn't mean you've won
'Cause along may come
A bigger one
And you'll be lost
Every river that you try to cross
Every gun you ever held went off
Ooh-Oh, And I'm just waiting till the firing stops
Ooh-Oh, And I'm just waiting till the shine wears off
Ooh-Oh, And I'm just waiting till the shine wears off
Ooh-Oh, And I'm just waiting till the shine wears off...
I've already talked quite a bit about this song in my "5 of the Best: COLDPLAY" post. But I'm just gonna confirm it now as my song of the year2008!!! Its not a very complicated or deep song. Its just about someone who gets lost.
Don't we all get lost sometimes? Not just literally for people without GPS but figuratively as well. Do we ever feel like we're lost? Every river that we've tried to cross? And every door we've ever tried was locked?
Or do we sometimes think we've got it all made. We think we're boss. But in truth, we might just be a big fish in a little pond. We haven't won. Along may come a bigger one.
That's what happens when the shine wears off...
Let's face it. We've all been lost before. You may or may not be lost right now.
Let me tell you a bit about my story.
When I was a kid, I was the king of the world. My dad was senior pastor at a burgeoning church in Petaling Jaya called First Baptist Church. In a Christian community where people love each other, my father was the prime figure. He was the figurehead of the church, everyone loved him.Thus, people were queueing up to show love to his family... i.e. ME! His son! People would buy me toys, take me to their house for dinner and play with their kids. People think being a pastor's kid is poverty. Not when the pastor was my dad.
I reckon I was kinda spoilt. I would always throw tantrums when I didn't get what I want. Roll on the floor. Like Dewey from Malcolm in the Middle. My mom loved me more than life. She quit her career as a dentist to stay home and take care of me even though we had a maid. My 5 year old mind couldn't comprehend that but I loved it anyways. However my dad was a strict disciplinarian. If my mom reported naughty behaviour, it was caning for me, The feather duster. My nemesis.
I started primary school at 7. My mom would ensure I do my homework and study ahead of the class. Every single day she would sit with me, making sure I did my work. It was fun. I had mummy. I was the smartest guy in class. In fact I was the smartest in the whole school that year.
Suddenly, everything changed. My mom got lung cancer (and please, she did not smoke. She was the healthiest person around). She died abruptly and my brother Andrew suffered the most. He was barely one.
My father was devastated but he did a great job raising us two boys on his own. I was really sad but I got on with life. Without my mummy by my side, I wasn't top of the school anymore. Rather, 10th in class. Not that bad.
Then my dad made the biggest mistake of his life. He remarried too fast. We had a second mom. It really did not work out and his marriage was short lived. It all ended in tears and divorce. This was my father. The main man of FBC. Captain Fantastic. Super Pastor. He left the church by "mutual consent" and continued to work in the Christian field.
This was arguably the worst point in my family's life. Second marriage taken away. Second mom gone. I somehow got used to tragedy. I took it on the chin. I was more afraid of high school. It was really hard on Andrew. He never knew his biological mom. Then, the only "mom" he ever knew (although not the best, mind you) was gone. I can't remember ever saying this but my dad told me recently that around this time I mentioned to him, "What's the point of living if its purpose is for suffering".
Thankfully I have no mental scars from that period. I don't know how. It must be suppressed inadvertently by my brain or something. Needless to say, that was the lowest point in my life.
In primary school I was among the cream of the crop academically, school prefect and did all right for sports day as well. I got straight As for UPSR, the government exam for primary school leavers.
In secondary school, my grades started slipping, I wasn't studying properly, I was more interested in having fun and learning stuff I never knew about before. Basically, I was a complete nerd in primary school, complete with the worst hairstyle ever (it was out of bed hair everyday. I never knew what a comb was). The last time a comb had touched my hair was when my late mummy combed it.
In secondary school I learned fast. It was all about the importance of being cool. I guess I wasn't as cool as I would have wanted, but I wasn't a loser. So life wasn't too bad. I equated it to being in the middle class of society.
I'll end the story there for the moment.
Needless to say, growing up in church, I was a Christian from a young age. I accepted Jesus as my Lord and saviour when I was 9 or 10. But I was still lost. I had the wrong idea about what life was about. I didn't mess up my life badly thanks to my Christian grounding but at certain points it did seem pretty desolate. But it matters not any more.
Because I can say I have finally found what is truly important. I'm starting to find out what life's all about. And because I know what I know now, all the pain and suffering in the past means nothing. It has all been eclipsed by an undescribable and unending joy and peace.
So I ask you now. Are you feeling a little lost? Is life not what you want it to be? Do you ever wonder if there's more to the life that you're currently living? Ask yourself! Do you want life that is beyond what you currently experience.
I don't know what your personal struggle is right now. But I say that its OK to be lost. In fact its good. Because once we realize we are lost, we can be found. Without the realization of our "lostness", we can never find what is truly important.
I challenge you today. If you feel lost and you want to ask some questions. You want to know what it is I speak of. Just drop me an email. henstepper@yahoo.com.
I may not know all the answers but I am sure that we can find the trail again. If we were jungle trekking and got lost, I know where the trail is.
Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound,
That saved a wretch like me....
I once was lost but now am found,
Was blind, but now, I see.
